Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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