I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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