I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
