Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize