i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
