I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
is it fun? or sober?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
