We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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