i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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