The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
