I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
