she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
