Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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