I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
