i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am available for nakedness
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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