I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
