I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
