So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
