I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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