we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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