I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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