Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
