9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
