remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
