Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I AM VODKA MAN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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