We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
