I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
