Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
