Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
