If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
