: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
