you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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