Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're so nebulous sometimes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
