your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
