Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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