last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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