I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
