Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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