Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
