i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize