I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
