everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
