im six kinds of drunk right now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
