I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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