Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
