Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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