I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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