What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
