Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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