cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
