just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
