I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
