I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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