Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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