who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
