it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
