My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize