I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think people are normalizing furries
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
