I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
