Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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