Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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