I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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