bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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