and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
