Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
