I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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