i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
