So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
