I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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