God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
