My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
