super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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