Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
