omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
