Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
