it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
