I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to make out with him forever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
